


Like Titans, Only Smaller

by Feneris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Burning Down Buildings, Cockroaches, Community: snkkink, Fumigation, Gen, Infestations, Mikasa is Afraid of Roaches, Throwing Knives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scouting Legion HQ suddenly finds itself with an infestation of cockroaches. Levi takes immediate action by burning down two of the castle's outbuildings, Eren is apparently good at killing insects with throwing knives, Hanji and Armin go on to create chemicals deadly enough to kill titans, oh, and Mikasa is afraid of roaches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Titans, Only Smaller

**Author's Note:**

> So, another silly SnK Kink meme fill. This one was a general prompt for either humanity being under attack by giant roaches, or for Scouting Legion HQ to be under attack by more standard sized insects. Hope you enjoy.

It was the ungodly hours of the early morning, when the entire Scouting Legion was woken up suddenly and violently by a loud, soul tearing scream that cracked several windows.

"ROACH! GET IT AWAY! EREN! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILLITKILLITKILLIT!"

Levi was in a foul mood as he stormed towards the dorms the screams were eminatting from. "What the fuck are you shitty brats going on about this..." A knife sunk into the doorframe mere inches from his face. "You missed Jeager."

Eren looked at him blankly. "What are you talking about sir? I hit it right on."

Levi turned his head. There was a cockroach impaled on the end of Eren's knife, the blade having gone right through the center of the bug's thorax.

It was an impressive shot, not that Levi was ever going to tell Eren that.  
Instead, he turned his attention to the room. Arlert was standing to the side, a large heavy book in his hands, and Ackerman was perched on the top of a large wardrobe, huddled in terror.

"Mikasa's afraid of roaches," Armin stated, nodding towards Mikasa.

As if on cue, Mikasa started screaming again, gesturing frantically towards the windowsill, upon which Levi could see three more cockroaches. Eren's arm whipped out, two more knives flew through the air, impaling two of the roaches right through the center of the thorax. Armin in turn, smashed the last roach flat with his heavy book.

"I think, we may have an infestation," Armin remarked hesitantly.

All Levi saw was a black and red blur as Mikasa bolted straight through the window and into the woods. A feat made even more impressive by the fact she didn't even bother to lift the pane or unlatch the shutters, and they were on the third floor.

Infestation

Levi felt a shudder go up his spine. He could already imagine the vile bugs, crawling all over the food, skittering over him when he slept, living in the walls, living between the floors, everywhere! The thought alone was enough to make him itch.

"Jeager. Arlert."

"Yes sir?"

"Kill them all."

\---

Armin turned out to be right. They had a roach infestation at HQ.

Levi's reach was brutal, and without mercy. If he so much as saw a roach, he would coat the entire room in enough toxic chemicals to kill a fifteen meter titan. He had even taken the initiative to burn down two of the castle's outbuildings when he discovered that the roaches had taken up residence there.

Eren for his part, would nail any roach he saw with a throwing knife. After about two weeks, people learned to give Eren plenty of space, and to not let any part of their anatomy get between him and a cockroach. No one knew where exactly Eren was getting all the throwing knives, and no one dared ask. Two people had already gotten knives in the back, when Eren noticed roaches crawling up their coats.

Mikasa for her part had flat out refused to so much as set foot back in HQ until all the roaches were gone.

\---

"Hanji."

"Yes Commander?" Hanji remarked, turning towards Erwin. Or at least that's what Erwin thought she said. It was hard to understand her with the large black gasmask she had over her face.

"Is it really necessary to use a chemical so deadly, a mere whiff of it can kill a titan instantly, for a mere roach infestation?"

"Cockroaches are like titans," Armin piped up. Like Hanji he was wearing a large black gasmask, and a hazmat suit. "What doesn't kill them only makes them stronger. There can be no half-measures. We must be sure to eliminate the entire infestation in one fell swoop."

Why did that sound so familiar?

\---

In the end, complete fumigation proved to be the only measure necessary to eliminate the roaches once and for all.

The entire Scouting Legion ended up joining Mikasa camping out in the woods, while whatever noxious and deadly chemical Hanji and Armin had cooked up, did its work destroying any living thing that remained in HQ.

Erwin purposely ignored the rumors of mysterious deaths and illnesses from all the towns directly downwind of Legion HQ.

\---

Everything was back to normal. The roaches were dead. Ackerman was back in the castle. Levi was no longer torching buildings, Jeager wasn't hurtling knives everywhere with deadly accuracy, and Hanji and Armin weren't conspiring to create deadly fumigators which could kill titans instantly.

"Sir?"

A feeling of dread went down Erwin's spine. "What is it Hanji?"

"Good news and bad news sir. The roaches are all dead, but Armin has just discovered our life destroying chemical apparently doesn't work on mice. While we were killing the roaches, they moved in to fill the power vacuum in the vermin underworld, and are now threatening to take over HQ. By the way, did you know Mike is afraid of mice?"


End file.
